upd8 reax

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god damn it i really want and need to get to work but i feel so cruddy

and i can’t even enjoy not being productive because my ears, throat, and head hurt

UGHHHHHH i hate being under the weather

i was hoping not to have to postpone chapter two of monster pop! but it looks like i will need a week’s break after all just to help build up a buffer

gdi i really want to make update fan art but i’m super exhausted SIGH

maybe tomorrow ;(

(still, what a good upd8)

when i am not offering free downloads of my own music, please do not suggest methods available to download them without my consent!  i know that they exist and they’re there and people use them and that’s fine, but i worked very hard on this album without any outside help and even though i do it for fun and as a hobby, it would be really nice to see some sort of profit from all the hours of work that i put into it. i’m not asking much.  it’s $5 for a 19 track album.  i understand that money is tight and that the internet is the frontier of free things and nobody wants to spend money… but that is less than $0.30 a song. it is the equivalent of buying a sandwich. maybe you really need that sandwich, i don’t know. but if you want that sandwich more than you want my music, then you can listen to it on a stream and let the people who bought my music enjoy it offline.

it’ll go public tomorrow, but for now you can stare at this page (and maybe listen to my other two albums)!

valentines album, valentines album, i can’t wait~

[eta] whatever i’m lazy i just published it now but i won’t make the official announcement until later~

and to realize that the world does not revolve around you - or around anyone else.  okay, wow, that sounds really harsh, but please stick with me.

the darkest times of my life - the times when i felt ugly and hated and like a complete failure - were the times when my outlook on the outside world was the least realistic. i have always been blessed to have plenty of friends, but at these times i would convince myself that they were only friends with me out of pity.  every time they laughed (even at an unrelated joke), every time they called each other and themselves fat (as many girls do, tho i don’t think that’s healthy), every time they made a negative comment, i felt like they were all personal attacks against me. i thought that they all secretly hated me and only kept me around to make me feel worse and i was just so desperate for companionship that i would put up with it. i was insecure and i could never stay in any friend group for very long. i felt like the entire world was pointing its finger at me and laughing.

but none of that was true. none of it.

i am still friends with many of these people and they are all kind and loving and wonderful individuals who i now know genuinely like and accept me and who want to spend time with me not out of some sadistic need to belittle me but because they enjoy my company. 

the world does not revolve around any of us. so many of the things we take personally are not even meant for us.  but we feel so insecure that we will grab on to any negative commentary and feel like it is about us.

but it isn’t.

similarly, the world does not revolve around famous actors or models or billionaires. just because they are symmetrical does not mean they are happy. just because they have the “perfect boyfriend” does not mean they are happy. just because they are rich does not mean they are happy. i could go on and on.

just because you are not perfect, just because you have flaws, just because people can and will say bad things about you does not mean that you can and should not love yourself and that you can and should not be happy.

you can love yourself.  you should love yourself. you’re not perfect but you are pretty god damn close and if you could only see in yourself a fraction of the beauty that i am damn sure other people see in you, you would feel ridiculous to not love and respect yourself.

you are a god damn miracle and no matter how you are feeling right now, one day you will love yourself.

NOOOOOOOOO MY FRIENDS ARE GENDERBENDING MY MONSTER POP! GIRLS AND CALLING IT MONSTER COCK!……..

omg so the other night i decided on what pokemon the monster pop! characters are

george is combee (i was thinking eevee but wow no combee is perf)

franny is chandelure (almost had misdreavus)

ben is girafarig (it somehow seems appropriate but i’m not 100%)

percy is rapidash

marina is tangela